Letters to Taylor: On Sorrow and Joy

My sweet girl,

I woke up this morning with you on my mind. The highs and lows of sorrow and joy mingling throughout this week have left me weary. I initially began writing these letters when you could hear me read them to you. Now I find myself asking the Lord how much folks in heaven can see and hear what is happening on earth. Does He allow them to have influence on people and events?

Earlier this week, I wanted to check to see if the funeral home had followed through on placing your temporary sign at the cemetery. As soon as I dropped the younger girls off at school and made a quick stop at the store, I drove to your old body’s resting place. I anticipated experiencing a bit of relief upon seeing the sign on your grave. I guess I thought it would bring the pleasure of knowing something was accomplished since the permanent stone won’t be set until spring when the foundation can be poured. I had no clue that simply seeing the marker would cause me to break down sobbing and weeping over the steering wheel.

Oh, Taylor. I miss you.

I don’t miss the suffering your body endured. I don’t miss the slow loss of mind you experienced. I’m happy, so happy that you are healed in heaven and no longer bound by a diseased body. You’re free and whole and this is a beautiful, wonderful thing. But I surely miss the closeness of your spirit that having a body on earth brings.

Earlier today, I was thinking about how important it is that God sent Jesus to be God in the flesh. We needed Jesus to have skin so that we could truly relate to Him. Without a human body, we would have never comprehended the sacrifice of God in the Spirit. As I stared at the mound of dirt piled over your old body, the Ecclesiastes verse echoed, “the dust returns to the ground from which it came, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.” I’m so glad you are with Jesus and happy and in a perfect body, but the emotions over the journey you traveled to get there are still raw. I think it will be that way for a long time.

In the meantime, our family is walking out the journey of grief. I’ve learned so much so far and we’ve only begun. Grief when your grandma went to heaven was difficult. But I hadn’t lived with Mom for years when she graduated. Though I missed her and still do, there’s no comparison to losing you. You can tell her I said that if she doesn’t know. She’ll get tickled about it.

This I know: Your purpose on this planet is not over and your story is to be heard and shared to let folks know that heaven is real, and Jesus loves everyone. One of the most practical ways we could continue to fulfill that purpose is to be good stewards of the supplies and equipment God provided to us for you. We started by contacting Reagan’s mom and dad and asking them about their needs for her. They made it over this week to talk and check out the things  you used. It was a HUGE blessing to be able to give them what was yours that we no longer need. It brought a ton of joy to my heart. This is what we must do more of.

I couldn’t help but think that you were looking down and smiling.

I love you. So much.

Your mommy

Letters to Taylor: On Loss

Letters to Taylor: On Battles

Letters to Taylor: On Adoption

Letters to Taylor: On New Beginnings

Letters to Taylor: On Christmas

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14 Comments

  1. Dear Taylor, your story to fight the good fight is an inspiration to us all to make the most of our time here on earth and reach as many souls for the Kingdom of Christ Jesus. I am joyful that your body is healed….No more sorrow, No more pain, No more tears! Heaven rejoices when the saints Go Marching In!

  2. Thank you for sharing. You are an incredible inspiration to all. My heart goes out to you and your family. I will continue to say prayers for you.

  3. Tracy Martin says:

    I’m a mom of a 28 year old daughter, Kaitlyn, that went home September 28, 2018 after a 18 month battle with ovarian cancer. Her 29th Birthday was yesterday, January 18, 2019.
    My friend introduced me to your Instagram account and gave me a book of yours. She said, “Everything you say to me sounds just like what Rachel Wojo is experience. So I bought you her book.” It has helped me, though I just started reading it, but can relate with the grieving. I know Kaitlyn is home with her Heavenly Father. I prayed the day she passed, on my knees at the foot of her hospital bed, in her living room, for Jesus to take her home as Kaitlyn was begging to go. Then the pain of losing her hit like a ton of bricks. Reality stinks but I know, even though I don’t feel HIS presence, HE is carrying me every moment of every day and HE will show me my purpose when HE’S ready. Until then, I will grieve Kaitlyn, miss her funny personality, the love she always showed for others and all her beautiful smiles & bright eyes. Until we meet again in heaven, I will hold you in my heart. ❤️
    Bless you and your family. May HIS peace and comfort be overwhelming to y’all!

  4. Rachel,
    I have read your blog since I was a high school student, just learning what it meant to love Jesus and what it meant to let him love me. I loved reading about your life and your family, and your beautiful words pointed me to Jesus. Now I’m a grad student, and your words still so beautifully point to the Savior who will embrace us in person one day. Even through your pain, you worship, and I am blessed by it. Know that your tears are watering flowers along the path so that others can grow. Sending hugs and praying for you as you walk through grief.

  5. Good Morning Rachel, I too have been following for awhile now. I work with special needs students. My heart has always gone out to my families they become apart of me. We live laugh and love one another. Our motto is “We don’t make mistakes. We just have happy accidents.” Hugs my friend keep writing. You never know who you’re helping along the way. My prayer for you today is to bring you peace and happiness and always know Taylor is by your side.

  6. Dear Rachel, Matt and all of the Wojnarowski family ,
    I can’t even remember how I came across the story of you and of Taylor’s journey.
    I do know that I was moved in ways I can’t describe. It wasn’t the pain and suffering , but the unbelievable hope , faith and inspiration that came from you and your entire family during this time .
    God gives us the strength to bear more than we think we can, as you have shown with grace and love.
    You are blessed to have the strength of an incredible family and I wish all of you peace in your hearts.
    God Bless all of you and Taylor in Heaven singing her songs and dancing with angels.

  7. Toyin Tope-Adedipe says:

    May the Lord comfort you all in Jesus name.
    The loss is heart breaking but God remains God.
    Thank you for sharing. The letters are helping me to accept the loss of my younger brother.
    Keep the faith. Greetings to the family.

  8. DVinePeace says:

    Rachel, I have been following your “posts” for a while. It began while I was a homeschool mom; several+ years ago. I grieve with you and I rejoice with you. I comprehend the sorrows of your child transitioning into The Lord’s Presence. I am hear praying for you & your family. God’s Peace surpasses all understanding..

  9. Your stories bring me tears but also comfort. This story of grief is very familiar to me… I continue to pray for you sweet momma

  10. Ruby Myers says:

    Rachel, I have been following your journey with Taylor for a long time. I am the daughter of a man who found out in his mid-fifties that he had MS. He had chronic progressive MS. He lived until the day after his 80th birthday 21 years ago. The last 7 or so years of his life he could not even wipe his own nose. His mind was clear but he thought up to the day before he died that if he could just walk again, he would be happy. His family was there for his birthday. We had no idea he was going to die the next day. I have always thought that he worked it out with God that it would be a good day to die because my mom would not be alone when he died and he had not seen me since my divorce and he saw I was alright. One of my first thoughts after we were told he had died was that he could walk again. What a blessing that people like my dad and Taylor can be whole in heaven. It makes me happy that Taylor can walk and talk and think and sing and whatever she would like to do. Blessings!

  11. Rachel you have written such beautiful letters to Taylor. How you ever did this and then read them to her was truly by the grace of God. I will always remember Taylor. She was a beautiful young lady. I feel very blessed to know your family.

  12. Jennie Heberg says:

    My heart hurts for you. You’re in my prayers as you grieve her passing as well as walking with you in Joy as you rejoice that she’s walking free and healed fully in Jesus’ presence and will be for eternity.

  13. Joanne Seifferth says:

    So beautiful—very real and raw. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your journey. We are blessed to witness your faith during this time — you are truly an inspiration. God bless.

  14. Cherish C says:

    Rachel, I have been following your story for a long time and just wanted you to know that I am sending hugs your way. Your story has really been an inspiration to me and I am sure it’s the same for countless of people who are walking the same journey. Praying that Jesus will continue to surround you and your family with love and reassure you through His Holy Spirit that your precious Taylor is in the most coveted spot, in the arms of our Savior. I don’t know you personally, but love you as a fellow sister in Christ. Thank you for letting us into this personal and most difficult time of your life. We are surrounding you and your family with love and prayers.

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