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I thought it wasn’t good enough, but it was all I had.
Who gives a broken gift?
No one. It is simply not the thing to do.
In my mind’s eye, I can imagine the widow in Jesus’ New Testament example, turning those two small coins over and over again in her hand. She knew they belonged to the Lord, but it seemed meager. Minute. Pathetic.
It’s not enough. How could I give more?
Maybe I should wait until I have a better income.
Perhaps when my clothes are more in vogue.
Maybe I just need to wait until my kids are grown and I have more time.
All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on. Luke 21:4
Her story and my story merged as I wrestled with what I believed God was whispering to my heart.
His message? Serve me wholeheartedly. Tell others of me. Just give me what you have- brokenness and all.
So God and I chatted. Well, I talked a whole lot and he listened to every word.
“But Lord, you know I’m just an everyday person. I mostly stay at home with lots of little ones and a special needs child. I can barely get to the grocery store, much less serve in the community. It’s a struggle. We have no family living close by and I don’t have much help. I’m not an outgoing person. I don’t have much money; we live by faith. Neither do I have any training to write or speak. I have no idea how all this could work.”
“But no one will believe me. They’ll think I’m crazy. And they’ll ignore me.”
Do you love me?
“More than anything. Ok. I give you my broken gift- all of me. The cracks, the pieces, the fragments. The divorce, the death of my mom, the terminal illness of my daughter, the negative emotions and the blessings of today. I give it all to you. Even the leftover dust. If you want me to tell others about you, then you’re going to have to bring the people to me. You’re going to have to tell me what to say.And you’re going to have to show me what to do.”
I don’t recommend using this tone of voice with the Creator of the universe. But with loving patience, God said to my heart,
“Girl, just wait and see what I’m going to do.”
Spring turned into summer and how time flies when you care for a houseful of children. While I didn’t see what God was doing throughout the months, one particular day that summer, the thought dawned on me at the end of an extremely busy day. The front door should have been revolving as every manner of person entered. The UPS man. Neighbor children. Piano students and their parents.
27 people visited our house that day. And God whispered.
“I brought them to you.”
In awe, the tears flowed as I humbly replied, “Wow. Yes, you did.”
And once again, I gave my broken self to him when all I could give was a broken gift.
Brokenness is the greatest gift we can give God. It’s a gift that God can work with; it’s a gift that moves his heart.- Matthew Barnett
God’s not finished with that brokenness. Each day he reshapes and remolds. My brokenness transformed into his beautiful masterpiece. Still an unfinished product, yet continuing to reflect a little more of his light each day.
I told God to bring the people to me. And I thought 27 people was a lot. God has quite the sense of humor.
Today, 6 years later, God brings 12,000 people a day to this website to read about what he can do when we give him our broken gifts. His favorite gifts are the broken ones. The ones that can’t fix themselves. The ones that don’t wait until they think they have it all together. The ones who simply surrender all they have.
Are you ready to give him your brokenness today?