When All I Could Give Was A Broken Gift
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I thought it wasn’t good enough, but it was all I had.
Who gives a broken gift?
No one. It is simply not the thing to do.
In my mind’s eye, I can imagine the widow in Jesus’ New Testament example, turning those two small coins over and over again in her hand. She knew they belonged to the Lord, but it seemed meager. Minute. Pathetic.
It’s not enough. How could I give more?
Maybe I should wait until I have a better income.
Perhaps when my clothes are more in vogue.
Maybe I just need to wait until my kids are grown and I have more time.
All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on. Luke 21:4
Her story and my story merged as I wrestled with what I believed God was whispering to my heart.
His message? Serve me wholeheartedly. Tell others of me. Just give me what you have- brokenness and all.
So God and I chatted. Well, I talked a whole lot and he listened to every word.
“But Lord, you know I’m just an everyday person. I mostly stay at home with lots of little ones and a special needs child. I can barely get to the grocery store, much less serve in the community. It’s a struggle. We have no family living close by and I don’t have much help. I’m not an outgoing person. I don’t have much money; we live by faith. Neither do I have any training to write or speak. I have no idea how all this could work.”
Trust me.
“But no one will believe me. They’ll think I’m crazy. And they’ll ignore me.”
Do you love me?
“More than anything. Ok. I give you my broken gift- all of me. The cracks, the pieces, the fragments. The divorce, the death of my mom, the terminal illness of my daughter, the negative emotions and the blessings of today. I give it all to you. Even the leftover dust. If you want me to tell others about you, then you’re going to have to bring the people to me. You’re going to have to tell me what to say.And you’re going to have to show me what to do.”
I don’t recommend using this tone of voice with the Creator of the universe. But with loving patience, God said to my heart,
“Girl, just wait and see what I’m going to do.”
Spring turned into summer and how time flies when you care for a houseful of children. While I didn’t see what God was doing throughout the months, one particular day that summer, the thought dawned on me at the end of an extremely busy day. The front door should have been revolving as every manner of person entered. The UPS man. Neighbor children. Piano students and their parents.
27 people visited our house that day. And God whispered.
“I brought them to you.”
In awe, the tears flowed as I humbly replied, “Wow. Yes, you did.”
And once again, I gave my broken self to him when all I could give was a broken gift.
Brokenness is the greatest gift we can give God. It’s a gift that God can work with; it’s a gift that moves his heart.- Matthew Barnett
God’s not finished with that brokenness. Each day he reshapes and remolds. My brokenness transformed into his beautiful masterpiece. Still an unfinished product, yet continuing to reflect a little more of his light each day.
I told God to bring the people to me. And I thought 27 people was a lot. God has quite the sense of humor.
Today, 6 years later, God brings 12,000 people a day to this website to read about what he can do when we give him our broken gifts. His favorite gifts are the broken ones. The ones that can’t fix themselves. The ones that don’t wait until they think they have it all together. The ones who simply surrender all they have.
Are you ready to give him your brokenness today?
Rachel
Rachel, in your brokenness, you have truly blessed me in mine! Your prayers shared here, many of which I needed right at that very moment I opened the email! Your heartfelt prayers and listening ear when I felt you were the only one, besides God of course!, that understood my heartache when andrew was ill! Your shared story that inspires and encourages me. You give the gift of hope, through God’s Word…leading me to Scripture verses that speak to my heart! I pray that through my life’s journey, I share God’s Light and Love with all whom He brings to me! God bless!
Wow, Rachel, this is one of your most powerful posts. Praise God! Love to see how He is working in your life.
Hi Rachel,
Your website has blessed me by helping grow my faith in Christ. I love your honesty and also that you have the coolest Polish name ever! Thank you for finding the time to write this blog!!
Karen
Rachel,
Since my son left this earth two years ago I have been proud to call myself “broken”. My beautiful happy son committed suicide. The following days I was comforted and ministered to by the Holy Spirit. Being so broken and empty I realized what it meant to live without fear. Having a bare canvas He painted a beautiful Picasso. He gave me “my testimony” to help other parents and those who experience an extreme loss, a story of love and faith and strength that only comes from our Heavenly Father! He showed me how to wholeheartedly love again, I recently married the man of my dreams. A man that was sent from Him and only Him. With tears streaming I asked Him, “Father you know what I have lost, you know how broken I was. Why would you want me to love again” His answer… 1 Corinthians 13! He had me down on my knees crying “Father how could you have found me so worthy, a broken child like me to bring me a love so true!” I stand tall and proud to call myself broken, to share my story with others who don’t know that there is always hope as long as you submit your life to Him. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Rae
Rachel, I love this post. You are a gift! ~Gina
Thanks Rachel for allowing God to use your brokenness to turn it into a blessing to many of us around the globe !! God bless.
Rachel,
Thank you for sharing your story. People get so used to seeing the blessings in your life after you achieve it. They see the speaker, writer, mother, and wife with loads of success. But they don’t always see the tears, the pain or the grace it took to get there. And it’s not their fault. That’s just the way things are.
And our lives may start out broken or become broken along the way, but God doesn’t intend for us to stay there.
As children of God, we all have gifts to offer. We all have purpose. And God accepts us just as we are — even when others won’t. I feel broken at times, too, warts and all. But, your words remind me that, if I cast my cares before God and trust Him, I don’t have to feel broken anymore.
Blessings to you and your family,
Michael
Wonderful words of wisdom. Thank you for taking the time to share them with us!
This is beautiful…so true. I am an ordinary person. I have two special needs sons who are three and four, a 19 year old and a 24 year old special needs daughter. She also is a prodigal daughter.
I don’t go to many places other than what I have to do because I am in the car for about three hours a day, and at varying intervals, so my time is very split up. But, Jesus has brought people, people who feel alone and misunderstood because of the challenges they have with their children. I have been able to listen and be able to speak of my own challenges, and they know they have been heard and often immediately start to have hope, and that is half the battle; to be understood, encouraged, given hope through Jesus, and know they are prayed for.
Just the other day, I had been praying for a family, and sent a e-mail. She sent back an e-mail letting me know of the rough morning she had had, and felt it was a message from Jesus. I don’t have an audience, I know if I am prompted to send an encouraging e-mail, I need to send it. My influence is small, but it is right who needs it, and that will ripple out.
Thank you for the encouragement of serving right where you are, even if it is seemingly insignificant, because nothing is insignificant. Little is much when the Lord is in it, as the hymn goes….
Blessings Rachel,
Joanne Pererson
Love your heart, dear Joanne. Bless you for the encouragement you are to me!!
This is beautiful. I, too, am broken, and in search of the way God wants to use me. I know he has plans for me, and am patiently waiting for direction. Your post is an inspiration. Thanks!