Today I’m thinking of you. You who are looking at a long road ahead. Maybe you who are staring at a blank wall, wishing that handwriting with clear instructions for the journey would appear. Or maybe you are wishing you could somehow make the wall disappear. I don’t know exactly what your wall or obstacle or hurdle looks like. But my heart hurts for you because not only have I been there, but I sit there with you right now.
My sweet girl, Taylor, had a really rough seizure yesterday morning. Today she is very weak and I’m staring at the blank wall of suffering. It’s blank because I just don’t think I can grasp it in totality. Suffering holds no answers. With Taylor’s diagnosis of MPS, I stopped praying for healing long ago, because honestly? I’ve come to grips with the fact that God has not chosen to heal her up to this point. Her medical diagnosis gives zero indication of healing and 100% indication of termination. I’m not saying that he can’t heal her. Or that he won’t. I’ve simply realized that he has marked a certain path for us and as humans, sometimes it looks an awful lot like suffering. Because it is suffering. Oh how we need his mercy, his grace and most of all, his presence.
It’s on weeks like this one that I look into her eyes and wonder how tired her body must be of fighting. It’s all she’s ever known from birth. And yet what a fighter she continues to be. She smiles at me and I desperately wish I could take her place.
We’re headed down the road marked with suffering. I’ve only been down this road for short walks. I feel inexperienced with the turf and I’m unsure of the direction we’re traversing. The way seems long and dark. The future uncertain. Whether we have days or weeks or months or years, we can’t say. We have some good days and some bad days. On the bad days, I’m so very thankful to remember Psalm 18. When I sum up the sorrow expressed in this beautiful psalm, I realize one thing:
God would rather about your bad day as not hear from you at all. – One More Step
So today I’m praying for grace, mercy and his presence, not only for us, but for you too. May we recognize his presence today and this week. May sorrow allow joy to show off a little brighter. May our hearts remember that even on the very worst of days, our Father has not forgotten us. He longs to hear from our hearts no matter how we are feeling. Because he loves us that much.
I wrote a similar message years ago on the blog and a sweet woman sent an email to me saying that she didn’t agree with this thought. That the Bible clearly says “In everything, give thanks.” She failed to give me her thoughts on Jesus’ words on the cross when he begged God to know why he had forsaken him. I don’t think God minds our “why questions.” I think he loves to hear them because they draw us to him. He longs to be close to us. And I’m just so thankful. I need him so much. Especially on the bad days.
Because I know you’ll ask….
My new friend, Joy, created the wooden sign above and handpainted the One More Step book quote on it. You can visit her shop through 6/20/16 and use the code June15 to save 15% on any order, either a sign like the one above or your own favorite Bible verse or quote. I hope you’ll take advantage of the discount to her beautiful shop.
When was the last time you took your bad day to God?
By his grace,