Letters to Taylor: On Significance Dear Taylor, 415 days have passed since you closed your eyes for the last time. There is no significance to today other than that. My fingers are shaking as I try to write to you. I desperately will them to work. They do not want to move into the truth that you are no longer living on earth nor do they want to invite in the pain that resurfaces when I stop … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Significance
Family
Letters to Taylor: On Holy Days
Letters to Taylor: On Holy Days My dear Taylor, I have typed your name and now I sit here watching it blur as the tears fill my eyes. I look up to see five more blurry names on the chore chart. My blessings in the form of babies, only they are far beyond infancy. The youngest baby is now 8 years old and their ages span to a senior in high school this year. Each child is unique in their … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Holy Days
Letters to Taylor: On Moving
Letters to Taylor: On Moving Dear Taylor, I’ve paused for quite some time after typing your name because the reality of your absence floods over me again. O my sweet girl, what a long ten months it has been as I’ve tried to learn how to live without you. Time has marched on since you left us, but my pace has slowed significantly. I feel a bit behind time all the time and yet I refuse to … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Moving
Letters to Taylor: On Your Birthday
Letters to Taylor: On Your Birthday My dear Taylor, Happy Birthday in heaven. While I have no doubt that you’ve experienced an incredible party with Grandma Charlotte and many friends, I dreaded the actual day. One of the hardest places in grief is having the wisdom to know when to share the sorrow and tears and when to protect your daddy and brothers and sisters from my emotional tsunami. … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Your Birthday
Letters to Taylor: On Weeping
Letters to Taylor: On Weeping My sweetest Taylor, I’ve barely begun to type the words to you and tears flow down my cheeks faster than I can wipe them away. I’ve avoided writing to you because it’s agonizing and it doesn’t feel like the gaping wound in my heart is healing. We’re just a few days away from seven months since you left us for heaven. It’s all still so strange. Life without you … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Weeping
Letters to Taylor: On Heaven’s Scent
Letters to Taylor: On Heaven’s Scent My dear girl, Tomorrow will be six months since you left us for heaven. I stood at the beach last week staring at the waves as though they represent life without you here. Sometimes I’m on top of the wave, enjoying an incredible view, and other times I’m drowning in salty grief. To say that I miss you has become so trite. There must be another word in … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Heaven’s Scent
Letters to Taylor: On Freedom
Letters to Taylor: On Freedom My Girl, It was July 4, 1999. Your bouncy pigtails danced in the evening light as we walked the field where my mama grew up. I remember how busy and beautiful you were at age 3. When darkness fell and your Uncle Chip began shooting off fireworks, panic struck your sweet face. The dazzling night sky didn’t wow you at all and you screamed against the loud booms. … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Freedom
Letters to Taylor: On Forgetfulness
Letters to Taylor: On Forgetfulness My dear girl, The ache of missing you is waking me in the middle of the night. It’s been a couple weeks since I sat down to “talk” to you, to write out the thoughts that continually float around in my head and surround my heart. I’ve been avoiding writing to you because it hurts so deeply to pen the words and stare at their starkness. Every letter to you … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Forgetfulness