As If We Had Never Married

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How strange that marriage might be considered to “interfere” with friendship.   Yet my husband and I once observed an elderly couple in a restaurant.  They came in, sat down, ordered, and ate an entire meal without saying one word to each other.  Meanwhile, the two of us sat chatting away with one another.  I suppose one could say that the older couple knew each other so well that they had nothing to say to one another.  But honestly, though I know my husband well, I still want to be with him more than anyone else.  I enjoy his company…and his friendship.

When God created Adam and Eve, they walked together in the cool of the day. If we want to revive the friendship in our marriage, what do we do? All the things that friends do with each other. This week, I created this short list of activities to help rekindle our friendship with our spouses.

1. Communicate.

Write notes, text, facebook message, tweet, etc.  In the current technology age, handwritten notes are a treasure.  Texting can be used for more than the grocery items you need on his way home.  How about a random “I’m thinking of you” text?  As you are married longer, it’s easy to forget to communicate with your spouse.  There are many things Matt and I don’t discuss because we already know how each other feel about them.   Talk about them anyways! Give each other the gift of affirmation.

2. Share.

Best friends share everything, right?  Make a list of the things you have in common and share from that list.   Sharing as friends can be something as simple as dessert together after the kids are in bed or making a list of future goals and dreams. Friendship simply means two friends in the same ship.  Go down memory lane and visit the interests that brought you together when you first met.

3. Play.

What does your spouse like to do that you either know nothing about or have no interest in?  I often talk about how I began running half marathons because I wanted to take an interest in my husband’s activities. My husband and I play Words with Friends together (he’s the only one I play this with because I don’t have time for games, but it’s “our thing.” And very fun for this word-crazed girl!)  Matt loves chess and while I know how to move the pieces, I’ve never learned strategies, etc. (Hmmm. Now I’m in trouble.)

4. Pray.

This point seems a given.  But getting into the habit of praying for my husband in his role as the head of our home and as the father of our children is prioritized, and then it becomes easy to forget to pray for his individual needs.  Friends pray for one another!

Do you have a word that focuses on the friendship side of marriage?  I’d love to read it in the comments below!

 A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.- Prov. 17:17


  1. I do have best friends. I have girl friends. But my ultimate friend is my husband (of course next to Jesus). He knows me inside out and I’m not afraid to fail in front of him or make mistakes. We love spending time with each other. =)

  2. Yes, life often gets in the way of spousal friendship. I’m guilty of this. Too much of everything demands my attention and zaps my energy. Great list to encourage, Rachel. Thanks.

  3. Great post. My husband is my best friend. I love the idea that you play “Words With Friends” only with your husband. I don’t have a game that I only play with my husband, but I love that idea.

  4. My favorite is to be outdoors with my man. Whether walking, running, kayaking, or having a picnic. The fresh air relaxes us both and helps us realize how thankful we are. ~ Blessings out girl on your marriage, Amy 🙂

  5. Yes, yes yes! My hubby and I love to flirt and joke around. I think playing in marriage and still having fun is so important. 🙂 Lauren,

  6. The friendship part of a relationship can sometimes for sure get “benched” by accident. Thank-you for some of those great reminders!

  7. It’s so easy to neglect the friendship part of a marriage, what with the caring of the children, the chores, the work. It’s so easy to take each other for granted. Thanks for this reminder.

    Oh, my husband and I like to read the same books, so we usually discuss the plots and twists and our favorite characters. That’s one of our bonding activities.

    1. Yes, it is easy to get caught up in everything else going on. I love your book activity you do together! 🙂

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