Letters to Taylor: On Freedom My Girl, It was July 4, 1999. Your bouncy pigtails danced in the evening light as we walked the field where my mama grew up. I remember how busy and beautiful you were at age 3. When darkness fell and your Uncle Chip began shooting off fireworks, panic struck your sweet face. The dazzling night sky didn’t wow you at all and you screamed against the loud booms. … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Freedom
Grief Journey
Letters to Taylor: On Forgetfulness
Letters to Taylor: On Forgetfulness My dear girl, The ache of missing you is waking me in the middle of the night. It’s been a couple weeks since I sat down to “talk” to you, to write out the thoughts that continually float around in my head and surround my heart. I’ve been avoiding writing to you because it hurts so deeply to pen the words and stare at their starkness. Every letter to you … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Forgetfulness
Letters to Taylor: On Procrastination
Letters to Taylor: On Procrastination Sweet T, I miss you. To say that I miss you doesn’t even begin to explain how I feel. My heart holds a void like I’ve never known before. I’ve been looking back at our lives from the past few years and pondering over the decisions our family made while you were living. I analyzed the choices on what we did and did not do. I’ve spent many hours … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Procrastination
Letters to Taylor: On Numbness
Letters to Taylor: On Numbness My sweet girl, I have not wanted to write to you in the past couple weeks. I knew that as soon as my fingers began to type words that I long to speak to you in person, tears would fall, and pain would surge into my soul full force. I’ve felt numb more often since my last letter to you and I’m not sure which is worse. Numbness to dull the pain while knowing it’s … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Numbness
Letters to Taylor: On Heavenly Kisses
Letters to Taylor: On Heavenly Kisses Dearest Taylor, I’m sitting with Daddy by the ocean this week and the sound of the waves soothe my soul. I would wish that you were here, only the beach was such a strange place for you. The one and only time we brought you by the ocean, you could not stay standing in the shifting sand. I can see your squinting eyes as you struggled to understand why the … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Heavenly Kisses
Letters to Taylor: On Miracles
Letters to Taylor: On Miracles Sweetest Taylor, Tonight my arms are aching to hold you. The longing to feel you breathing is taking my breath captive and my mama’s heart can hardly beat. The pains that I thought were beginning to ease up have returned with a vengeance and I imagine they are like the phantom pains of an amputee, rattling nerves due to something missing. You feel … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Miracles
Letters to Taylor: On Anguish
Letters to Taylor: On Anguish Sweet Taylor, I can hardly believe 3 months have passed since I have held you in my arms. The ache seems impossible for time to heal. The wound feels as gaping as the day you were diagnosed with MPS almost 18 years ago and as I've written to you before, I’ve come to realize that only heaven will fill that hole. Last week your buddies aka siblings were out of … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Anguish
Letters to Taylor: On Growth
Letters to Taylor: On Growth My sweetest Taylor, This morning as I was folding laundry, I found one of your socks in the corner of a fitted bedsheet. Something that might have previously slightly annoyed me was a beautiful gift instead. It’s amazing how my perspective has been turned upside down. As I held your little sock in my hand, I thought about how your feet had stopped growing and … [Read more...] about Letters to Taylor: On Growth